Nightmares and Dreamscapes
by Chevy Nova
Summary: Faced with the uncertainty of Donatello's future, Raphael calls upon the memory of time when he was able to protect his little brother from the monsters that lurked in the darkness. The fear of a young child haunts him, yet remains his only source of comfort against the horrors he must now face. [Turtle Tots][One-Shot]


**Author's Note: **My first turtle tot fic! I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you'll enjoy it just as much as I do. This fic is heavily based after the 2k3 series events. Many thanks to my beta for helping me make this story the best it could be!

I would love to read your thoughts and reviews!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the TMNT.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Donatello was the only one of his brothers who Raphael ever allowed to openly hug him.

Not that Don was a particularly affectionate turtle. Raph could count on one hand how many times Don ever actually taken advantage of his older brother's good graces in at least five years. Yet he never questioned Don's shift in attitude; he only took it as a sign that he was doing something right.

It hadn't always been that way.

He could still feel the tiny fingers of his younger brother digging into his arm, refusing to be shaken away as they clenched in rising tension. That particular day happened to be some thirteen years previous, when all four of them were settled down before Master Splinter and told the most frightening news any of them had yet to face in their short lives.

"My sons, the time has come. You are all now big enough to sleep in your own rooms."

The four siblings froze.

Raphael flinched as he felt Donatello, who was sitting to his left, suddenly latch onto his arm and squeeze tight. He also noted that Mikey, who sat on his other side, likewise did the same to their eldest brother. Though placated, Raph still gave an annoyed shake, trying to pry off Don's death grip.

"But…" Leo paused as he likewise attempted a much gentler extraction of Mikey from his own side, his face pulled in their shared look of confusion, "Why?"

"You are all growing up very quickly, Leonardo." Splinter's expression softened as he beckoned his four young wards to follow him from the living room, "And each of you deserves a space to call your own as you continue to develop your minds and bodies."

Although the four continued to exchange wary glances as they trailed after their father, none of them responded. Donnie's nails continued to dig into Raphael's arm, nearly causing him to trip, and with a frustrated growl he gave a forceful shove to wrench the other away, pushing him toward Leo instead.

"Get off me, Donnie."

"Raph…" Leo frowned back at him as Donatello tumbled forward.

Raph only rolled his eyes, though he quickly straightened as Splinter shot him a warning glance. Yet he did nothing to relieve Leo of his burden, both arms encompassing the two youngest siblings as they continued to shuffle along, faces plastered with equal expressions of fear and panic.

It served Leo right anyway. He always let them get away with acting like babies.

Splinter proceeded to introduce each of his sons to their new bedrooms he had carefully selected for them throughout the lair.

Michelangelo, as the youngest received the smallest of the new bedrooms, endowed with a large, lumpy mattress. His room was also closest to Master Splinter's room, nestled comfortably to the left of the old rat's sleeping quarters.

Leonardo received a reasonably larger room, directly adjacent from Michelangelo's, though positioned to the right of Master Splinter's room. His came furnished with a collapsible futon still in relatively functional use.

Raphael's room was located across the living room and kitchen, still within a general line of sight of Splinter's room, of equal size to Leo's, equipped with two large beanbag chairs.

Donatello's room was by far the largest of the four, though it was several feet away from Raphael's new room, and tucked back into a corner. His contained a solitary, overstuffed, couch cushion.

"These will be your places just for yourselves." Splinter ushered his sons toward their newly designated bedrooms with an encouraging nod, "There is no reason to be afraid. We are all still together, and I am still here."

Raphael didn't need to be told twice, especially since he noticed Donatello inching toward him as Splinter attempted to lightly steer him forward.

"I got the best room!" he declared as he ran into his newly appointed room.

Grinning back at his brothers, he jabbed a finger emphatically at Donnie and Mikey, "And no babies are allowed in."

Leo stuck out his tongue before grabbing Mikey's hand and tugged him back in the shared direction of their two bedrooms, "We don't need your stinky ol' room anyway!"

Raph ducked out of sight the moment he caught Splinter's face pull into a frown, catching sight as Leo and Mikey were quick to scamper out of view as well. Peeking out he covered his mouth to stifle a giggle as he watched Splinter take Donatello's hand and all but force his reluctant brother to trudge his way to his new bedroom.

For as much as Donnie liked to brag about how smart he was, he sure could act like a bigger crybaby than Mikey sometimes.

By bedtime, Raphael was literally bouncing from excitement at the prospect of sleeping alone for the first time in his very own room. He smirked as he caught the hesitance on Leo's face, and couldn't resist poking Donnie in the side or giving Mikey a tug on his bandana tails as his two younger brothers clung together tightly.

"Don't let the nightmares get you."

"Leave them alone, Raph." Leo shoved him back with glare, "Don't act like you're not scared too."

"Yeah, right." Raph scoffed as he crossed his arms and returned the scowl, "I'm not a big scaredy-baby, unlike _some_ turtles. You don't see me crying, do you?"

"Hey!" Mikey pouted, though he did very little in removing himself from the safe protection of Don's side, "I'm not crying!"

"Well, you're not the only scaredy-baby I was talking about." Raphael smirked as he reached forward and once again poked Don in the side. He had watched as Donnie had struggled to hide his glistening eyes, casting fearful glances at his isolated room all evening, and Raph couldn't resist a playful jab against his normally imperturbable baby brother. He was only joking, so he was a little surprised when a genuine whimper escaped from the younger turtle at his teasing poke.

"I said leave him alone!"

"That is enough."

Splinter had no need for yelling when his firm, authoritative voice settled over the room, and the four turtles fell silent as their father stepped out of his bedroom. He said nothing for a moment as he gazed over the expressions worn on his four sons.

Raphael was the quickest to look away, glancing down at his feet, but not before attempting another glare over at Leonardo. Always butting in and pretending that he was better than everyone_._

"It is very late and time for young bodies to rest. Come."

With an outstretched paw he ushered Leo and Mikey toward their rooms before taking Donnie by the hand, tenderly coaxing his quivering son in the direction of his own bedroom across the lair.

Raphael hadn't waited to be tucked in. He instantly turned heel and raced to his own specific room, crash landing with an excited yelp onto his beanbags, and pretended to already be asleep by the time Splinter came in to kiss him good night.

Far more exhausted than he had anticipated, Raphael curled himself deeper into his blanket as the familiar silence of night settled over the lair.

Minutes began to pass before he realized his tired eyes refused to stay shut, opting instead to stare out into the encompassing darkness that surrounded him. Forcing his eyes closed, he could hear his heart beat pounding steadily in his head. Pulling the blankets tighter around himself, Raph vainly struggled to shut out the suffocating blackness of a room that suddenly felt twice as huge as it had in the light.

Almost instinctively, he sought out the familiar sounds he had learned to associate with the night. Mikey's usual mumbling or Donnie's constant shifting about, were noticeably absent. Even Leo's obnoxious kicking him in the shins would have been better than this. The enveloping silence was penetrated by only the timid gasp of his own breathing.

Holding his breath, Raph tucked his head completely under his blanket before once again realizing that his eyes had somehow snapped wide open. He clamped his hands over them, though there was little he could do to stop the unwelcome shiver of nervousness that coursed through his body.

He buried his face against his pillow, refusing to move from his spot, until sheer fatigue at last took over.

Sleep was restless.

A shady, floating sensation that refused to pull him fully into the depths of unconsciousness. The threat of grinning shadows and outstretched claws tugged at his dreams, turning them black with an unshakable anxiety.

He didn't know long he battled through his shaky slumber, five minutes or hours later, as the same gloomy blackness filled his vision when his eyes snapped open as the sound of a familiar wail shook him from his sleep.

Instantly awake, Raphael tumbled away from his beanbags, blinking his bleary eyes as his vision swam with sleep. He stumbled a bit and stopped only a few steps outside his doorway, just in time to see Mikey across the living room, still sniffling as he slipped inside Leo's bedroom door. The crying subsided almost immediately.

Raphael sighed.

"Big baby…" he muttered to himself as he turned to retreat to his room.

He was stopped by a pair of glowing red eyes that stared back at him in silence.

"Donnie!"

Raph's hands bunched into instinctual fists as he could feel his heart leap into his throat, his face burning hot, "Don't sneak around like that!"

Taking a deep breath, Raphael waited for a response, more than likely a cheeky retort that Donnie seemed to be getting better at lately. What he wasn't expecting was for his brother to step forward and grab his hand, giving it a small squeeze.

"Can I sleep with you?"

Raph almost wrenched his hand away, but the chill from Don's icy fingers stopped him.

Donnie's eyes always seemed to glow a bit in the shadows, and they stared at him, wide, unblinking and glistening, waiting for an answer. Raphael hesitated, eyeing the endless shadows of his bedroom just behind Don, and an uneasy feeling began to stir in the pit of Raph's stomach. He glanced away when he heard a tiny noise from Don, before realizing it sounded like the same small whimper he had unintentionally prodded out of him earlier.

"Fine." Raph yawned, not even bothering to attempt to wrestle his hand away from his brother's tight grasp, "Just don't kick me like you always do."

Donnie said nothing and only nodded as he allowed himself to be led inside Raphael's bedroom. Any grumblings that Raphael offered were promptly ignored, and Don contently curled up tight against his big brother, falling asleep within seconds.

Though the beanbags were hardly large enough to comfortably hold the two young turtles, Raphael stopped his own fidgeting the moment he felt Donnie succumb to sleep beside him. Seeking out the familiar features of his slumbering brother, Raph concentrated on the sound of his soft, quick breathing before closing his own eyes.

Maybe for just one night it wouldn't be so bad. Besides, he was still in his own room and that's what was important. He was just being a good big brother. Satisfied and confident of this decision, Raph gave a final yawn before quickly falling asleep himself.

-oOo-

Splinter seemed hardly surprised the next morning when he found not a single one of his sons alone in his bedroom.

Raphael had been quick to slip out of his room the moment he'd awoken, not wanting Leo to catch him and make fun of him. Although there was very little he could do when Donnie stepped out of his room about an hour later, yawning and rubbing his eyes as he joined the rest of his siblings for breakfast.

Remarkably, Leo said nothing, though Raph couldn't fathom as to why. Still, it was probably better not to push his luck, and he decided to keep his own mouth shut when it came to mentioning Mikey's own midnight drop-in.

Even years later, Raphael still could not recall if he had been at all surprised when Don had silently shown up at his bedroom door the very next night, mere minutes after Splinter had tucked them all in.

He did remember vainly trying to shove Don away. He also remembered how said shoving match lasted no longer than a minute or two before he once again found himself dozing off with the arms of his little brother tightly wrapped around him.

Besides, Don didn't talk in his sleep like Mikey did, or kick him in the legs like Leo. He only shifted around a bit, and with their limited space on the shared beanbags, he hardly did any of that either. Raphael also discovered that Don moved even less if he was hugging him while they dreamed.

He lost track how many nights began to pass with this newfound nightly ritual_._ But he knew it was often enough that he had snuck in an extra blanket into his room so Donnie would stop hogging his. He knew it was often enough that he found himself intentionally leaving the door to his room open just enough for a small turtle to sneak silently inside. He knew it was often enough because he found himself automatically curling up on only one beanbag, and leaving the other one empty when he settled in for the night. He also knew it was long enough to notice that even Mikey was now joining Leo in the middle of the night only about once a week.

Sometimes he wondered if Donnie was just as self-conscious about the whole thing as he was. Raphael couldn't deny he was curious as to why the other refused to sleep alone. But Donnie never seemed to want to acknowledge it after the night had passed, and Raphael felt too embarrassed to bring it up on his own.

Raphael did notice, however, that once Mikey began to brag about sleeping whole nights alone and how utterly amazing he was for doing so, that Don began to wake up extra early in the morning, quickly slipping out of his brother's room and back into his own before Raphael or the others had even woken up.

He didn't question how Don seemed to know just when to wake up right before he did, so Raphael didn't think twice when the younger turtle fell into a much deeper sleep than usual one evening after battling all day with a light fever. Snuggled beneath their blankets Don had latched onto him intensely, face still flushed with pink. It was one of those rare nights where Don didn't so much as kick him even once as he slept, so when he at last felt a sharp jab poking him in the forehead, Raphael twitched irritably awake.

Groggy with sleep, Raph blinked a few times, not wanting to pull away from the warmth of Donnie, who remained snuggled in deep slumber up against him.

Leo's smug grin was rapidly filling Raph's vision however as he struggled to sit up, "What're you lookin' at?"

"Oh, nothing." Leo shrugged his shoulders, though the smirk remained on his face as he crossed his arms and leaned over, "Just a big scaredy-baby named Raphael, that's all."

"What?!" Raphael snarled, all traces of sleep gone as he abruptly sat up completely, unable to stand as he remained twisted in the blankets and Donnie's arms.

"What's the matter, Raph?" Leo continued to smirk as he reached out and jabbed a finger into Raphael's shoulder, "Too _scared_ to sleep all by yourself?"

"No!" Raph growled as he attempted to untangle himself, pulling Don's arms away from him even as their younger brother began to slowly blink confusedly awake, "This is my room, Donnie was the scared one!"

Leo rolled his eyes as he straightened up, "Uh huh, I'm sure that's what happened." He turned to leave the room, though paused as he reached the doorway and turned back around with a final grin, "Wait till I tell Mikey who's a big, fat crybaby that can't sleep on his own."

With a finality in his stance that felt like a death sentence, Leo moved to exit the room just as Donnie managed to sit up, still rubbing his eyes in mild unawareness. A shot of panic raced through Raphael, and without fully comprehending his actions, he thrust his hands out as he shoved Don hard with a vicious, "Liar!"

Donnie toppled to the ground more severely than Raphael had intended, the thud of his landing echoing loud enough to stop Leo mid-step, mouth open as he stared in a speechless alarm. Raphael's own shoulders bunched as he too pulled back in shock, the regret shooting through him instantaneously.

For a few seconds Donnie didn't move from his sprawled position on the floor, the jolt of his landing still paralyzing him where he sat; utter confusion and pain plastered on his face. His silence lasted only a few moments, before his wide eyes turned from Leo and back onto Raphael, who remained frozen with uncertainty and remorse.

The stillness was broken as Leo hesitantly stepped forward, and Donnie burst into tears. He swatted away Leo's arms as he stood, and didn't spare Raph another glance as he bolted from the room.

Both older turtles could still hear his cries now emanating from the direction of Mikey's room.

Raphael was startled by a sudden powerful shove to his side that sent him toppling from his beanbag, the back of his head smacking against the wall.

"Ow!" Raph's hands flew up, clasping over the aching bump, as he shot his older brother a glare, "Leo that hurt!"

"Good!"

Glaring, Raphael stood up so fast he bit his tongue, Leo still standing before him, hands clenched into fists as he glowered back at him. He could still hear traces of Donnie's sobs, and they only served in flaring his anger as he lunged for Leo, the two small turtles clattering to the ground in a ball of kicking legs and flying fists.

"Get off me Raph! Or I'm telling!"

Leo managed a push strong enough to shove Raphael back to the ground, and he ran to the doorway. Raphael jumped up and tackled him from behind, sending the two toppling into the living room with a mixture of strangled shouts. Their rising voices echoed loudly through the lair, until Splinter's bedroom door suddenly snapped open and the rat emerged.

"Leonardo! Raphael!"

The authoritative voice of their Sensei was more than enough to separate the two boys immediately, both scrambling to their feet and kicking one another away. Raphael tightly crossed his arms defensively, and Splinter sighed at the look Leonardo was casting over at his brother.

"My sons, what has happened?"

Raphael avoided Splinter's questioning glance, opting instead to glare at the wall as if it had offended him. From the corner of his eye he could see Donnie, face burning red, clinging now to the back of Mikey's shell as he likewise avoided any eye contact from their father. Michelangelo, equally as confused as Splinter, responded with a wide-eyed shrug. It was an accusatory glare from Leo that quickly averted Splinter's attention once more back to his second oldest.

"Raphael? Is there something wrong?"

He squirmed under the three pairs of eyes that turned upon him.

"No." he hesitated, then quickly shook his head, "It's nothing, Master Splinter."

The old rat paused, lifted one furry brow as he returned his gaze to his remaining sons and cast a thoughtful glance over each one of them. "Is this true?" he paused over at his solemnest child, "Donatello?"

Don flinched, catching Splinter's gaze for only a moment before he quickly returned to staring into the back of Mikey's shell. Raphael found himself holding his breathe, waiting for the tattling he was sure to come. His head popped back up when Donnie only nodded instead.

"Yes, Master Splinter." He was no longer crying, his voice even, though he had forgotten to wipe the tears dry from his face. "Nothing."

Raph ignored Leo's scowl from across the room as Splinter paused, before he nodded to Donatello's response and proceeded to corral them towards the kitchen. Yet it was the distinct lack of Donnie's attention on him that unsettled Raphael more than some stupid look from Leo ever could.

After all, this was mostly Leo's fault anyway. He should have known better than to come into Raph's room. Or he should have caught Donnie when he fell. How was Raph supposed to know he'd pushed Donnie so hard? It's not like he meant to make his brother cry.

Donatello proceeded to remain glued to Mikey's shell for the remainder of the day. Not that Mikey particularly minded. This simply meant that Donnie was willing to play whatever game he chose and the youngest turtle was more than ready to play leader to one of his big brothers for a change. However Don seemed to try and avoid Leo almost as much as he did Raphael, his face instantly burning a bright scarlet the moment he caught his oldest brother's attention.

Not a word of the incident was mentioned the rest of the day.

Splinter didn't seem all to keen on pressing the issue, and he seemed more than willing to allow Don to only tumble with Mikey that day during their daily lessons. If he was at all curious as to why Donatello clung a bit more to his robes whenever Michelangelo had managed to slip away, he spoke nothing of it.

This was also one of those rare opportunities that Raphael realized just how much Donnie liked to talk. As his younger brother now barely spoke a word all morning and heading into the evening, the distinct absence of his usual chattering, eclipsing even Mikey at times, was almost unsettling.

So he actually found himself relieved that as the day wore on Donnie apparently couldn't keep silent for too long, as the familiar sound of his voice began to fill the lair once more. However it was only after Don agreed to play Monster Zombies, a game he normally detested, with Leo and Mikey, did Raphael begin to suspect the reasoning behind his sudden shift in attitude.

"I do believe I shall remain virus free for one more day, Michelangelo." Splinter whipped his tail away from being further gnawed upon by his youngest "zombie" son as he stood up from his easy chair, "And it is now time for all turtles, zombie or not, to head to bed."

"But Master Splinter," Donnie tackled Leo from behind, gripping him tight, "I finally captured Leo! Five more minutes?"

A gentle smile twitched at Splinter's whiskers, though he shook his head, "Not tonight, Donatello. You are all very tired, as am I. You may continue your game tomorrow."

"But…" Donnie's eyes widened as Leo wriggled free from his grasp.

"Sorry Don." Leo yawned as he obediently plodded over to join Mikey, who continued to drag himself across the floor, now over towards the shared vicinity of their bedrooms, "You can bite me into a zombie tomorrow, ok?"

Raphael tried not to stare from his uninvited position perched in front of the television. Not that he'd really wanted to play zombies anyway. His brothers always whined and said he bit too hard. But he found it difficult to ignore as Don's eyes began to frantically flick around, meeting his gaze momentarily before quickly jerking away.

"But I'm not sleepy." Don shook his head as he backed away as Splinter approached him, "I don't want to sleep yet!"

"Hush, Donatello."

Splinter reached down and took Don's hand in his own, waiting patiently as Don twisted his arm, his voice growing a bit louder, "But I'm not sleepy!"

Sensing a struggle, Splinter turned his attention back to his remaining son, "Raphael, please shut off the television and head to your bedroom. I will be there to tuck you in shortly."

Raphael said nothing. He wanted to tell Splinter he didn't need to be tucked in. He wanted to tell him he was too old for that. But as Donnie attempted to squirm free from Splinter's hold, the urgency rising in his voice, he decided not to say anything at all.

He retreated quietly to his room, keeping the door cracked an inch so that he could peek out to watch his younger brother attempt to battle Splinter in the living room. His stomach knotted for unknown reasons as a twinge of a whimper wormed into Donnie's plea. The events from earlier that morning began to replay in his mind.

After about five minutes of pleading and bargaining, Splinter resorted to picking up the small turtle, cradling him against his shoulder as he walked to the other end of the lair. Raphael finally looked away as they both vanished into the depths of Donatello's room.

It was only then Raph felt the gaze of someone staring at him and he opened his door further only to realize that Leo was eyeballing him from across the living room. He wore the same disapproving glare that had followed him all day, multiplied ten times and somehow more poignant than Raph would ever care to admit. He scowled back at his older brother, sticking his tongue out, before promptly slamming his door shut.

"Stupid Leo." Raph muttered as he crossed his arms and plopped onto his makeshift bed. "With his stupid looks." he punched the empty beanbag next to him.

"And stupid…" yet Donatello's name refused to roll off his tongue, and he squeezed his eyes tight, snatched his blanket and stuffed his face into it. The anger welled up inside him, but as he glared into his blanket he couldn't even pinpoint as to why. It wasn't the first time Donnie had cried over something stupid. But for some reason, as his fists slowly began to unclench, it felt different this time.

For once, he was genuinely asleep by the time Splinter kissed him sweet dreams.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

A terrified wail shattered through the darkness, causing Raphael to bolt upright, wrenched abruptly from his troubled dreams. Hands outstretched he grasped blindly through the shadows, tumbling over in his half asleep state as he fell to the floor. Another shriek pierced through the air, and a wave of goose bumps erupted across his flesh as a panic seized him.

He jumped to his feet and wrenched his door open.

His stomach churned as the screaming intensified.

Peering into the living room he could vaguely make out the silhouettes of Leo and Mikey's standing in their own bedroom doors, donning mirrored expressions of alarm and fear. As another shriek tore through the lair, Mikey bleated out his own cry of panic, before racing over to Leo, clinging tightly to his brother and whimpering loudly.

Heart racing, Raphael stepped out even as Splinter's door flew open not a second later. He shrank back as he watched his Sensei dash across the room, the look on the rat's face forcing Raphael to squirm. He had only seen that look a few times before.

"Donatello!"

Raphael crouched down in his doorway, even as he watched Leo tug Mikey inside his room with him. He began to shiver and it felt like hours had passed since Splinter had disappeared inside the yawning darkness of Donnie's bedroom. Yet it was the small cries, filled with genuine terror that periodically pierced through the darkness, eliciting an uneasy sensation in the pit of his stomach that kept him rooted to spot.

As the night wore on he could feel his eyelids growing heavy as Raphael stubbornly fought his fatigue and refused to return to his bed. It wasn't until a small creak from Donnie's door alerted him and he snapped himself fully awake.

Tucking himself a bit further back, Raph clasped his hands over his mouth, not wanting his father to hear him. He watched as Splinter silently emerged from the room at the other end of the lair,biting his lip as the quiet sobs echoed out from the bundle now buried against his fur_._

Only after he and Donnie disappeared once more inside Splinter's room did Raphael allow himself to exhale. No longer tired, he pulled himself to his feet, hugging his plastron tight as he turned and slipped back into his room. Settling down onto his beanbag, stomach still churning he closed his eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

"Master Splinter, where's Donnie?"

Raphael fidgeted as Mikey turned his bright blue eyes up to the old rat, but couldn't resist in staring up at his father expectantly as well.

"Asleep." Splinter spoke evenly as he served his sons their breakfast, "Donatello does not feel very well this morning. Please try to play quietly today while he rests."

"Oh, okay. Can I save him some toast?"

Two stale slices of toast and three and a half hours later, Donnie emerged from Splinter's room, rubbing his face from sleep. His eyes still looked a bit puffy, his entire body sagging with exhaustion. Splinter skipped their tumbling session that day, and Don instead settled into his lap for an afternoon of soap operas and sing-alongs.

Raphael would never admit it, but he was glad when Leo invited him to play zombies and even when Mikey jumped on his shell he was careful not to bite him too hard. Only once did he stop in the midst of running in circles around Splinter's chair, pausing as he saw that Donnie had fallen asleep in the rat's arms.

Yet as the dreaded arrival of evening once more began to close in on the Hamato household, Raphael could see both Leo and Mikey begin to eye their other brother. Cautiously they snuck hesitant glances toward Don, finally igniting Raphael's frustration as he shoved them away from where Don sat on the couch_._

"Knock it off." He snapped, scowling as Leo likewise stuck his tongue out in retaliation before scampering off with Mikey in tow.

Splinter slipped Donnie off his lap about a half an hour before bedtime. Removed from his place of comfort, Don stood beside the easy chair, a lost expression on his face as he glanced around and avoided eye contact from any of his brothers. Instead, he turned back to the television, staring at it blankly, eyes glassy and withdrawn.

Raphael knew there was no way he wanted a repeat of last night. He made up his mind and knew exactly what he wanted to do. He wanted to wait until Splinter left the room. Yet as their Sensei lingered in the kitchen, the clock ticking on, he suddenly decided he no longer cared.

Stomping to his bedroom Raph snatched a blanket from one of his beanbags before returning to the living room. Donnie blinked and jumped as Raphael abruptly appeared in front of him, his eyes instantly widening even as he inched back.

Donnie's retreat stung a bit, but Raphael reached out anyway and snatched up his hand. For a moment he was suddenly hit with the realization that Donatello would resist, and he would have to drag his younger brother with him. But the smaller turtle did nothing, and Raph shoved the blanket into Don's free hand before leading him towards the other end of the lair.

He didn't say anything and was immensely glad when Donnie didn't either.

He could feel Leo staring from across the room. He was tempted to turn and snap at his older brother; would have had Leo said anything, but he was thoughtfully silent. Thankfully Mikey was too wrapped up in his coloring book to notice anything outside the world of broken crayons and dried up markers. In any case, Raphael remained silent even as he led Donnie the rest of the way into his bedroom and all but pushed him onto one of the beanbags, before likewise plopping into the second one himself.

Raphael was tense, not sure how his brother was going to react. After only a few minutes he was relieved to feel the quiet shuffling about of his younger brother as he settled himself into a more comfortable position for the night. Raphael closed his eyes, listening as the movements out in the living room begin to settle down. Master Splinter was undoubtedly ushering Leo and Mikey into bed, and Raph pretended not to notice that their Sensei didn't come in to kiss neither him nor Donnie sweet dreams.

Only once a complete stillness settled in did Raph sigh, though he stiffened the moment he felt Don reaching out to wrap his arms around him.

"I didn't say you could hug me."

Don pulled back as though he had been burnt, "Sorry."

The fearfulness that permeated his voice shot a pang of guilt through Raphael and he grimaced before sitting up, trying to seek out Donnie's face through the darkness. "How come you hafta to be so afraid?" he sighed, "How come you hafta to cry when you sleep alone?"

Donnie didn't answer.

As the silence stretched between them, Raphael had to fight the urge to fidget. He hesitated before leaning down slightly and he tried to hush his voice, "What are you scared of?"

He could feel Don's body quivering beside him, tiny noises emerging as he struggled to find his voice, seeking out the right words to paint the nightmares in his head. When he at last spoke it was no more than a whisper, and he pulled himself in tighter.

"I'm afraid…that I'm lost."

Raphael frowned in confusion, dissatisfied with the response, "But you're right here?"

Donnie vehemently shook his head, "Not in my room…it's so far away. And it's so big. You're all over here. You all forgot me."

The trembling of stifled tears once again began to creep into Don's voice, though Raphael remained quiet. He had heard this story before. It wasn't the first time Don had cried because he was scared of being lost. Not the first time he had screamed for no other reason other than to serve as a reminder that he still existed. To prevent from being forgotten.

"Donnie," Raphael growled softly as he sidled back down beside his brother, "don't be stupid."

With a small huff he crossed his arms across his plastron and turned on his side, clamping his eyes back shut.

The silence didn't last long.

Donatello didn't say anything more; however moments later Raphael could hear the quiet sniffling and thick breathing emanating from his younger brother. As the sniffles became choked sobs, Raph opened his eyes with a resigned sigh. He didn't understand it, but he knew this silly fear really had its grip on Don, and Raph wasn't about to give up and let his little brother go on thinking he didn't matter.

"Donnie…" quietly he turned back onto his shell, peeking over at Don, "do you really think that would ever really happen?"

Don remained with his eyes cast firmly shut, tiny hands furiously attempting to wipe away his tears. At last a louder sob escaped him coupled with a small hiccup before he bawled out a pitiful, "Yes!"

Raphael watched in silence, his inability to fully grasp Don's fear gnawing at him. But at Don's distressed cry, Raph felt his instincts take over and he found himself gently wiping away Don's tears. "Don't cry anymore Donnie. Please?"

The younger turtle gave another hiccup, but inhaled quietly as stared wide eyed back up at Raph. Clenching his mouth tight, he gave a small nod, but just as quickly Raphael could see his eyes refilling with tears.

It was the first time he could really remember reaching out to pull Donnie…or any of his brothers for that matter, into an embrace. But the need to soothe Donatello's demons overrode his qualms about touching, as he comfortingly wrapped his arms around his little brother and pulled him in close. Donnie clung to him instantly, burying his face into his shoulder.

"We are never gonna forget you. I'm serious, none of us will. But especially me, okay?" Raphael squeezed his eyes shut, tightening his hold, "I'm always gonna be here for you Donnie. And I'm always gonna protect you from anything bad, so don't worry."

He could still feel Don shivering in his arms, but at least his sobbing had subsided. With a protective squeeze Raphael felt his own eyes suddenly pricking with tears.

"I promise."

Raphael couldn't remember if he had actually cried that night. He supposed that thirteen years later, it didn't really matter anyway. It wasn't as though tears from his childhood were going to help him now.

Since that night he had never shirked away from Donnie's arms, no matter the reason. And he didn't care who may have saw or what they may have thought on those rare moments when Don needed an embrace in return. He never really understood why it seemed to be his strongest weapon in getting through to his younger brother, but Raph had stopped questioning it long ago.

All he knew now was that the only thing he ever had to reach out to Donnie with had been stolen from him, a thick wall of glass separating him and his baby brother.

There was no room for hugs or comfort inside a glass enclosure, and it was the first time Raphael truly knew what it meant to be helpless.

He could only watch as Donatello struggled, roaring in pain and fear.

Alone in his cage.

Alone in his nightmare.


End file.
